late night thoughts

I spent time today quite differently from my any other typical Saturdays. I didn't have meetings - nor was I jogging in Botanical Gardens (it has been mercilessly pouring for the entire week now). Well, I met up with Gyn Yee, my ex-housemate in university. It was something which I have been looking forward to but never got around to it. Today was a good day and we met up at Old Town Cafe in the New World Park.

So we basically caught up a lot on each other's lives and also had fun viewing photos and learning some nifty tricks in Photoshop. Times has changed much with the both of us (though according to her, it's only my hairstyle that changed :P ) but sharing what is happening in each of our lives just tells us that we have new directions in life now.

Far have we gone from those days we were still sharing notes, going to exams together, having group revisions and all the things we do when we are still coursemates. Today, she has found a new passion in financial planning and I in environmental management. And though we were standing at the fork of where the road diverges, I guess we have shared enough of defining moments together that we can always come home to. But then again, we have ceased to share any more moments like these because of my tight schedule.

"Today was fun! We should do this more often."
"Yes we should but you have always been busy. Do take out some time for the rest of us!"
"Yea, sorry about that. I'm really trying to free up my hands now :) "

After time today with her, I realized that there are quite a few people in Penang (or rather, close by) that I have somehow 'left out' from my life. Which I would then point the blaming finger to the hustle and bustle of life that stowed me away.

Is it really justified?

For all I know, being too busy is nothing to harp about - especially when I'm too busy to be a part of the lives of people that matters to me - my family and the friends who used to be my family.

Just tonight when speed dial number 2 was fetching me home, he suddenly brought up the same subject about being too busy. He have long noticed that I have been running around the clock doing something everyday (even we are not living in the same piece of land). Even after 9 hours of work in the office, I seem to still have the strength to continue my 'outdoor' activities until around 12pm - and start my day again at 7am when I wake up for work.

I don't really know why I do the things I do. I used to know why but I guess I've come to a point when I start to wonder...

"Obligations?"

"Obligations can only get you so far before you actually burn out."

"I think I am already burned out. I just hate to admit it."

"You need to spend time with your family especially. And most of all you need private time for yourself."


Sitting down and thinking about it, I'm reminded that time is such a precious commodity. We all have the same set of time everyday. It's like an asset - we invest it. We share it. We can even waste it. Or we can just keep it to ourselves. We are what we decide to do with our time.

Good news is that I have been getting quiet some private time to myself this week - and I really like this. However, the queer part about this new found freedom was that I didn't know what to do with it. Apparently I've been so accustomed to spending my time full of agenda that I didn't know how to do it otherwise.

But I have decided to be a bit more forgiving and will take the time to get used to this sudden abundance of time. Even being more free with the schedule takes time to adapt! But I reckon that this breather ain't going to last longer than I wish it would.

Oh, stop whining, Eve. Do something about it. Probably the first thing you should do is to get rid of your "Messiah Syndrome".

And seek the true Messiah.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Psalm 23:1-3